"Puedo resistirlo todo salvo la tentacíon."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
Now ain't that the truth. How weak does that make me? Who knows, but I never said I was strong.
I do sympathize with her. I really do. I've lived in those shoes before and it sucks. Being there, everyday, in both situations. One person, two different pairs of shoes. When I knew Callan, I had these shoes right? And she had these other shoes, a little bit newer looking, but whatever. I'm not a girl, I don't have twenty pairs of shoes in my closet. I have just one pair that I run through , in and all around these four corners with. I wear them 'til they wear out most times. Then I got out and get a new pair. That's more or less the routine with me.
Callan moved in when Mike moved out. In the winter, just after New Year's, and Mike moved back to LA. The homeland. Winters aren't so bad down there. Winter in the North are wild. Santa Cruz ain't no big city, it's small-town. Surrounded by green all year. In the winter the beast in the woods and the beasts of then sea and the sky wake up too, and everything's darker. More dangerous. Berating. Debilitating. Humid cold. And we were dead broke and didn't want to shave that extra money off the paychecks for the room heaters. Not in the living room anyways.
Instead, I bundled up. The air was always cold. Maybe that's why I smoked a lot. Yes, I think I'll blame it on that. The cold in my bones in the wet raging winter is the reason. I only had Vans from back home. Thin canvas, I needed to keep my lungs warm.
Callan's were more boots built to last. Things you take in to get repaired. Or you just do it yourself, you know? Like a man. Lock it away.
She moved in with no money. We both lived off the food from Kelly's. I mean Monster too, and sometimes Mikey, especially when we were high. But for the most part it was Callie and me. Two different sets of shoes.
[I'm listening to No Doubt in a t-shirt at a café in Buenos Aires in August. Es una bella dia.]
She's in my shoes now, or the ones I had I should say. Me, I've grown I guess. I've got thick soles and tough black leather on my toes now. There's no holes. The water doesn't get through, and there's nice padding too. They're nice to walk in, and they'll last fucking forever. But sometimes I step on someone else's toes. Temptation is a two way street.
[to be continued]
