Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Paris (Rachel), Paris (Rachel), And Always Paris (Rachel)























Hmm... What I want this to be...

What I want this to be, really want people to see, is a frank, obsessed, depressed, and all desperate love letter to Paris.  To the city, to her woman's soul, sweet Paris Lo.

If there is a question, let Paris be the answer always on the tip of my tongue.  Waiting to slip out at any breath.  Paris, Paris, Paris.  Let the lady be satisfied.  Let her never be forgotten in my mind.

Her beauty, and her inescapable passion.

*****

Rachel, she's unequivocally pretty and not altogether approachable.  It's only by the chancest of occasions that we happened to find ourselves shaking hands politely.

"Rachel," she'd say. "Nice to meet you."

"Brian. It's a pleasure." And it is.  Still now, she makes life such a pleasant melodrama.  But I'm starting to find stress in all the nothing I've been doing.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

"Delirious, A Dreamer," She Says



Whatever it is that I had in Bali, I've lost it now, to my utter dismay.  The craving's back, and my soul's gone flown off away from here.  I'm never satisfied.

There's that rancid twitch there now.  That's new.  It's cruel.  Like something that takes over when I've given up.  And I have, I feel.  Somedays more than others.  Maybe that's the problem.  Giving up.  It's a coward's choice to do so.  Or a sloth's, or both.

Giving up's for bitches, and I ain't no bitch.  Just ask Mark Cole.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Fall Paris: Elizabeth
























It's noon and Lili's still in bed and there's still colored feathers all over the damned place.  I'm eating quietly in silence, but every noise, every shift of weight on the metal chair, every scoot on the wood floors, every chomp of milked cereal brings a ruffle of disgust from the princess.  "Silence!" she says.  "Be quiet."  The pea was a bother in the night, I suppose, and like a little green pea I pack my bag, finish my cereal and roll on out of there.

"Bye Lil," and I softly slam the door, not from spite, but because with these doors there needs to be some power behind the pull for it to close.  Still, I wonder how she took it.  Well I hope.

Where to now.  Where to indeed.  A lovely girl by the name of Elizabeth has humbly offered her couch for me to sleep on for a few days.  Now I just need to get to her.  I haven't met her yet mind you, but I know she's from Oregon and that already impresses me.  Maybe Rachel has something to do with that, but whatever.  Elizabeth is in the 10th, which is an arrondissement I'm none too familiar with so after I curtly hop over the turnstile and turn the corner I pause for a moment at the metro map.

"The tenth... the tenth... Ou est la tenth," I whisper to no one.  She said her exit was Strasbourg-Saint-Denis on the 4 line.  And it's there, right in the middle.  I see it.  I whisper again, "Up one on the 8 to Invalides, then the 13 towards Chatillon to Montparnasse, then the 4 towards Clignancourt to Strasbourg-Saint-Denis.  Got it."  I take to the right towards Creteil.  It's so easy.  And it goes fast in a blur of French urbanites and Bo Diddley through all the transfers and the trek through Montparnasse plaza.

[stop]

She's a dancer.  A performer.  A Portland whistle on a French wind in the 10th.  Rue du Faubourg Saint-Denis.  There's a grand stone archway by the metro stop, and not just one.  I see two and I take a street that one of them arches.  She said to meet her at this bar, "Le Mauri Sept" she said on the phone.  A few blocks down and I step in after one or two oblivious walk-bys.  The street's choked with storefronts and restaurants and doner joints all jockeying for attention as the throngs of Paris are smashing by at a rate like everyone has someplace to go, and maybe they do.  It's mid-day.  There's no leisure here, not on the streets anyway, not now, not on this Rue du Faubourg.  It's a street of workers and dreamers.  Of those restless with a lust for something more.  There's no looks of grand satisfaction on the faces around me.  Everyone is temporary and in-between here.  It's not bad, but it's always more contentment to be had.

Inside, the place is a dim den of that, which stretches back with scattered black tables and tobacco smoke from hand-rolled cigarettes.  It's not a packed house this afternoon, but at the same time it's certainly not empty.  Young adolescents sit in thick cliques here and there and they're posturing, some more than others, with great animation.  They all talk in a French mixture of excitement, interest, and a gaudy Parisian fleur-de-lis cool.  Everyone's young and student-looking so I don't stick out too much with only a backpack over my shoulders.  I look tired (which I am).  Studiously so, one might think given the context.  I stick out enough though because I hear my name beckoned and when I turn, there's a slim pixie-haired girl smiling at me with a cigarette in her hand that she no doubt rolled herself.

I sit down at the table next to her, and the backpack slides off my shoulders.  It's a fast talking crowd here, fueled by tobacco and espresso, talking as much with their chins and eyebrows and shoulders and cigarette hands as with their tongues, and it seems to me that Elizabeth is the queen bee of this hive.  She takes me under her wing.  "This is Brian, the boy I was telling you about. The writer. He's staying with me a few days, isn't that right. How long did you say?"

"How many days? Oh, no more than a handful at the most," I say taking in this arc of theatrical learners around me, and thin smoke and this proper straight-shouldered fairy who was to be my host.  This was going to be interesting.  Intriguing for sure, which is always my fave.  There's polite intros, polite everything for that matter, but it's all quick and ever changing in conversation and language and I just try to keep up.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Focus




Remember when you used to close your eyes and see the stallion's eye looking back from one side.  Black stallion.  Bridle and reigns and no saddle, just a squeeze between the knees holding you up above the beast's back.  You would see the hooves pounding away at the ground, faster and faster, the beach, the sand, the desert, the grasslands, the mountain rocks, who knows what was flying by below.  

It didn't matter, it doesn't now, but I remember not feeling cold so it wasn't snow.  The wind rushed over white knuckles that gripped the reigns tighter, but it wasn't cold.  The hrose wheezed and gasped with every breath, but you didn't see it, and you breathed with him.  Full deep breaths that you flexed with and slowed with.

And everything was all right.


Thursday, December 5, 2013

Red Light
























It's a beautiful sickness.  So if you think to know this Venus-flytrap of a thing called Love has a cure, or more specific maybe, a treatment of symptoms, then you might just think the whole thing's controllable.  A game of pick-and-choose, but it's not.  Certainly not in it's entirety anyways, although there may be some.  There's a choice in taking the risk, yes.  After that?  Well, after that it's all out the window with the wind.  Caught up and thrown around to the sick heart's content and kicked to a ditch.  Until you treat it.  Treat it.


I seem only able to fall in love with girls I really have no business falling in love with.  What a curse this is.


Tuesday, December 3, 2013