Madelyn was making bow-ties at the time. But they weren't for boys. Girls only. Bow-ties for women. Power women. Tycoon Neckwear she called it. She made all the bow-ties herself, and she sold them online and in little boutiques all around Los Angeles, including the one she worked at occasionally on Sawtelle by all the Japanese noodle places. I'd always flirted with her, she was interesting to text and to talk to, and we got dinner a handful of times, there at the very end, just before Paris.
I was good at dating then, I knew how to charm a girl, especially the quirky sexy ones. She had thick red Angelina Jolie lips, Madelyn, and athletic legs from I don't know what. That's just the way she came, I guess, and she came with a healthy ass too. Slim arms, she was fit. A sharp jaw, straight hair. Brown eyes, thin neck. Sophisticated sex, she was. A wild dancer. A quick thinker. A women who knew what she wanted, and knew what power was too. The physicality of it, sure, but she knew it was a strength of mind as well. And she was strong. She was intimidating. but back in those days, I always liked a good challenge. I reveled in them actually. And she was keen on me. At least I think she was, for whatever reason.
[stop]
Was I so attractive really? What is it about me that hath women fall to their knees about me? What is the look that I always see in their eyes, always so discernible. It's not sex, it's intrigue. I know, I know. Physical attraction plays a role, I'm sure. But for now, and for all you reading, let's pretend its what we all call charm.
I seemed charming to her, I suppose. In a cavalier sailorly sort of way, because immediately off the bat, she knew I was up to no good. That I had a mind for the more carnal aspects of nature. And she reveled in it. She liked me alone in romantic places. At dinner. At houses she was watching for a friend. All by herself. Vulnerable. She was trusting. And with me she believed there was nothing to fear of. Except healthy sex and a familiar, elusive back pain and a strain through the inner thighs that she longed to get back again. I don't know.
I'm only guessing. I took her to dinner at Mao's, of course. As always. I bought a bottle of wine beforehand. From Trader Joe's. A four dollar Malbec. Nick was our server at Mao's, as always. He said hi, and we talked quickly and quaintly like every other date I've been on there. The toe of Maddie's boot ran up my leg while Nick and I talked swell and wave height and the short rides in the South Bay.
I ordered the Curry Rice Stick with BBQ pork. She loved it, and afterwards we went to a local arts show at the north end of Abbot Kinney in an old one-story, wood-siding, beach house sort of place. It wasn't a shallow building, it went deep, and although the pieces weren't necessarily jaw-dropping or particularly thought provoking, they were plentiful and filled all the various nooks and crannies nicely. In one such cranny, there was a man drawing caricatures and in another a man serving drinks - glasses of wine or beer - free of charge. We went to the bar first and left with quite the kitchy drawing of the two of us with oblong noses and broad lips, and in the car back to her place, I had my hand on her leg, and she would raise her knee up, her foot balanced on the balls of her feet, coaxing my hand upward. Or downward depending on your vantage point.
LOOK WHAT THIS FEELING HAS DONE TO ME
We drove back to her parent's house. In her room, she pulled her dress up over her head. Black lace. Why is it always black lace? Girl's got taste. And one hell of an ass.
I told her I couldn't get hard with a condom on. "I wish I could, but it's the unfortunate truth," I said.
"Well, have you been tested?"
"Yes, just two months ago." I lied. "I'm clean trust me."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Positive." I wish I wasn't such a good liar.
"Well, fuck me then already."
I did. Healthily. I didn't cum though. In the morning I had to leave early for work, and I kissed her good-bye, and told her I'd see her after Paris maybe.
It was a week until my flight. Paris beckoned.
I'd never been more ready to leave. I'd never been so lost. It was some great adventure to be found though. The process. When I look back, now, from Buenos Aires, it's beautiful. But in the moment I was such a mess.
The test results came back two days later. I got a call from my doctor telling me I had chlamydia, so of course I freaked so he calmed me down, and told me it happens to everyone and that I'd just have to pick up a prescription. It'd be fine.
I wasn't worried about my body though, as I assume he thought. I was worried about the responsibility. I picked up the prescription in the Marina, a day before my flight. Maddie was the only girl I called. She deserved better.
I felt a duty that I couldn't ignore, and to my luck it went straight to voicemail. It was the hardest message I'd ever had to leave. To anyone. If you've been there, and you were man enough, you know.
An hour later, Mom was taking me to the airport.
