Viceroy. Early in the morning.
Don't take me for a fool now.
So this is life. The what everyone else does. This is what constant companionship feels like. To wake up every morning next to the same woman who loves you. Sound about the same as Argentina really, but lo, when I ask myself why, it's difficult to say. It's not easy to explain. I believe it's a matter of want. I didn't want that, not like I want this. This incredible feeling of right. The warmth inside that's not, strange as it sounds, from the late summer late morning sunlight of a cloudless Santa Monica sky.
The wind from the east and the Indian spirit blows a soft breeze across the sun-deck over Amelia's, and my shirt's off and the thin film of sweat pores through as I write, a light and subtle glow. But the warmth comes from inside like recollection, form remembering the feeling of her in the kitchen before breakfast, bent over the counter, the reflection in the kettle, and then the thought in my mind: what a life, I love this girl.
Even when she ties me up, even when she chokes me, and especially when she blows me. I want her. Maybe that's love, a prolonged mutual want, a symbiotic need for one another that's more or lass apparent to each party. Similar wits, impressive prowess, healthy sexual appetites, and strong fucking, and maybe more and more making love, which I realize now that I so seldom do. I'm so used to fucking for sport and not for love. It takes some getting used to, but I like it.
And hey, it's not perfect, but who wants perfect really? How manáge (I love that word).
Imperfections keep things interesting, especially when there's a recognized crazy on both sides, and yes, it's wild and she's jealous, and I'm absent minded and erratic and eclectic emotionally. But we balance each other out, I think. It's not always easy, but I think Mike had it right. I'd rather have a desperate love than an easy one. Looking for a perfect love gets you no where. Finding a compatible, crazy desperate up-and-down, all-over-the-place broad spectrum, wild all-or-nothing love is everything.
I think.
